It's not that, I just.. never had many people think of me as a friend. I feel it's presumptuous to assume I am someone's friend as well. I cannot determine whether I mean enough to a person to be their friend so unless they specifically tell me that they're my friend, I just assume I am not.

When it comes to determining whether or not I consider someone a friend... if I'm honest, I don't really understand relationships between people. I have managed to make some friends since returning to Japan and I am happy about it, I think. I think that is what the emotion I feel is. It feels warm and like the opposite of lonely. Sometimes it squeezes so tight it is difficult to breathe. I feel as though, if I can speak to someone in real life and they can tolerate me... and I don't feel overly anxious... then I would like to be their friend and spend time with them and help them in any way my capabilities would allow. However.. expressing all of that is... on the whole impossible and more likely to make someone have a bad opinion of me as most of my good intentions appear untoward. So I just wait until they offer their friendship. That way I can simply agree and quietly return it in my own way.