kanzenkakuritsu

Entry tags:

data gathering

001

I find myself in a predicament.

While Atobe made a valid point that professional athletes must look the part - I just realised that I have absolutely no idea how to model anything. Actually, I have no knowledge of fashion in the slightest.

This may be a problem.

Does anyone have any data that may be useful on this subject?

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Hm. I suppose so. I just do not inherently understand how to process or express emotion. Therefore relationships are not things I bother with. They are vague and confusing and generally a waste of my time. At least that is what I am concluding, given my research and my difficulties in making regular friends, let alone anything else.

All science. I study sports science. Though I can program and do physics, know about biology and chemistry as well. They just come naturally to me.

Ah. I see. Yes I suppose that would be socially inappropriate.

Then perhaps you should start with building up friendships and confidence first. There's nothing saying you have to have any relationships besides that.

How nice. You used to play tennis, right? I think I vaguely remember you.

Sleeping clothed is just so inconvenient. Maybe I'll room with one of my friends who don't care.

I have made three friends. That is the most I have ever had in my life. I feel very lucky for this.

Most people don't really remember me for my tennis, I'll admit. I'm a rather boring player. Though I still play tennis. I'm just not in a club yet. If you're playing on a university team, we may meet on the courts.

That could be a good idea too.

And how long did it take you to make those three?

Ah, you were good enough to be with Seigaku at nationals though, right?

We'll see. Perhaps I can convince my future roommate to just accept it and maybe try it for themselves. It's very natural and liberating.

I've been here since... Thursday. Today is Monday. Five days...? I think. It is an anomaly, that is certain. I have never been able to make friends very well. I am, however glad.

Yes, I was with them when we won nationals. I promised I would go to nationals with all of them.

Who are you staying with?

That certainly doesn't seem like you have trouble making friends. Perhaps the change of scenery was good for you?

How nice. Ah... nationals that year was fun.

I haven't checked. I should probably do that.

Perhaps. I've found it very hard to talk to people normally since I've been back. Even so, I may have changed more than I believed?

It may be a good idea to, yes. The earlier you contact them, the sooner you will know if you have to make other arrangements.

Are you finding it difficult to talk to me normally?

I could use some pyjamas anyway, since I've been sleeping in a friend's room and he doesn't like nudity as much. It'd be nice to not borrow clothes from him all the time.

Online isn't as bad. I have time to think about what I want to type and then I can convey that without being quiet. Mostly if I'm quiet people tend to dislike it. It's harder to have a conversation when people don't ask me questions in real life. I don't know what I am supposed to say or do at those times, even if I am researching it so I will be more prepared.

Ah, yes. That's a good idea. Perhaps I will get a pair too.

I have friends who are quiet and socially awkward. I know how to keep a conversation going and not be bothered by silence. Sometimes silence is very comfortable.

So, pyjamas and something nice to wear that isn't training gear. Anything else you need?

Oh. Well that makes me feel more at ease then.

I don't think so. I'll ask Kite-kun when I go to get his opinion on my issues as well. If there are any additional notes, I will let you know.

How are you with casual physical contact, hun?

Oh, Eishirou's helping you? That's... certainly a good place to start.

I don't... mind it.. I suppose...? As long as it's not sexual in nature. That.. makes me feel odd. I'm fine if I know it will happen beforehand or if I'm asked. I can be prepared for it that way.

Aa he offered his help as a fashion design student. I thought it would be helpful to gather data from both him and Atobe as well as other sources I find on my own. Though I believe it is largely for my modelling and professional image that I am seeing the both of them.

I believe this shopping trip is for more... casual... clothing? Am I correct?

Oh good. I should warn you in advance then that I may accidentally touch you. I do it without thinking now.

Yes this trip is just for more casual clothes.

Aa. That's fine. As long as I know in advance. Now that I do, I won't worry about what it means or why you're doing it. I'll simply know that it is part of who you are. That's quite easy to accept. I'm glad you told me. Thank you.

All right. Let me know when you would like to go?

Well. Some people could take it to mean more and that's okay as well. But yes, physical contact is just very natural between friends.

It's a bit of a last minute thing, but I do need those pyjamas. Tomorrow?

Friends? You.. I? You want to be my friend?

Tomorrow is fine. I'm free.

Ah... perhaps I'll answer after we hang out tomorrow. I think you should be able to determine by yourself if you consider individuals friends though, hun.

Lovely. I look forward to it.

It's not that, I just.. never had many people think of me as a friend. I feel it's presumptuous to assume I am someone's friend as well. I cannot determine whether I mean enough to a person to be their friend so unless they specifically tell me that they're my friend, I just assume I am not.

When it comes to determining whether or not I consider someone a friend... if I'm honest, I don't really understand relationships between people. I have managed to make some friends since returning to Japan and I am happy about it, I think. I think that is what the emotion I feel is. It feels warm and like the opposite of lonely. Sometimes it squeezes so tight it is difficult to breathe. I feel as though, if I can speak to someone in real life and they can tolerate me... and I don't feel overly anxious... then I would like to be their friend and spend time with them and help them in any way my capabilities would allow. However.. expressing all of that is... on the whole impossible and more likely to make someone have a bad opinion of me as most of my good intentions appear untoward. So I just wait until they offer their friendship. That way I can simply agree and quietly return it in my own way.

Well, I think people have different levels of friendship. My feelings for someone like... say, Eishirou are quite different for someone like... Oshitari-kun, just on the basis of how long we've known each other and been friends.

I think you might have sone troubles as people don't normally just ask to be friends. It's more of a natural progression of enjoying spending time with each other and liking them for what they bring to your life. Perhaps you should try that definition.

Oh. Mn. I see. I don't think I bring much to anyone's life. I should go and assess what I do for the people who currently think of me as a friend.. and how spending time with me could be made more enjoyable.

Should I meet you at the mall at a specific time tomorrow?

Ah... it's not so much about doing things for your friends. Don't feel obligated to do anything for the sake of making friends...

Maybe 2pm? We could meet near the Santa area? I should be pretty easy to spot.

ooc: log? :D

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kanzenkakuritsu - 2015-12-01 10:14 (UTC) - Expand

Would you believe me if I said I wasn't originally thinking about you, hun?

Yes, but I'd still want canned soup.

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